When to Have Sex With a Guy.

Awhile ago, a guy friend said something that completely changed the way I viewed sex and relationships. He said: “Before a girl sleeps with a guy, she has all the power. Afterward, he has all the power.” I’ve told this to countless friends, both male and female, over the years and have been met with a resounding: “That is so true!.” You can choose to agree or disagree, but there’s no denying that sleeping with a guy has a significant impact on the relationship and can either deepen it or turn it into a physical thing without an emotional leg to stand on.
Most men want sex and most women want a commitment. That’s not to say men don’t want commitment, they do, it’s just not the driving force behind their behavior, getting a lot of sex is. You can blame it on biology and a man’s innate need to spread his seed, or on today’s culture which deems men who sleep with lots of women studs (and women who sleep with lots of men sluts), but it’s just the way it is. As such, women have control when it comes to sex and can decide whether to give in or not, while men have the control when it comes to commitment.

There will be some women who will argue with this fact, and counter by saying they know tons of women who enjoy casual sex and lots of men who are yearning for commitment. Yes, there are people like this, but I’m speaking about the rule, not the exceptions. You don’t often see a woman plotting ways to sleep with many men and wiggle out of any sort of commitment, or a man trying to figure out how to get a girl to just commit and want only him. Just as there is a stigma against women who sleep with a lot of men, there is a stigma against men who are super into commitment and invest way too soon. I’ve dated guys like that, the ones who were ready to marry me on the first date, and I wasn’t flattered…I was freaked out.

The truth is, deciding when to sleep with a guy is important and will have an impact on your relationship. And it’s your decision to make. No girl has ever lost interest in a guy because he slept with her on the first date while guys lose interest in girls all the time for giving it up too soon 
A close friend of mine recently met an amazing guy on an online dating site. He was smart, successful, and a dead ringer for Bradley Cooper. Things got off to a promising start. They exchanged a few flirty messages and he asked her to go out on a Saturday night. They had an amazing time on the date, they continued to message, and he asked her out for the following Saturday early in the week. Another nice date with pleasant conversation and enjoying each other’s company (and some passionate making out) and he again reserved her for the following Saturday night.

Before the date she told me she was a little unsure about this guy. She thought he was great on paper and all but she didn’t really feel like they had so much to talk about, she mostly just thought he was really hot. She decided she was gonna sleep with him after their third date and I didn’t really offer much in the way of advice since it didn’t seem like she was interested in having a real relationship with him.

So they had a passionate night together and continued to text one another but something had shifted…
To be continued…


6 Reasons Guys Aren’t Asking You Out.

Here’s why no one asks you out … and what you can do about it.
Do you feel like you never get asked out? Never the one who gets chatted up by the cute guy?It’s hard to get asked out or chatted up if you don’t know what you’re doing or saying that’s putting him off. You may think you’re giving off the right signals, but do you know how men are interpreting your behavior?
Here are common mistakes you DON’T want to make:
1. You Act Like You’re Not Interested

Are you afraid of looking desperate or making a fool of yourself? Chances are you’re not, but these very thoughts will keep you single every time.
When you act like you’re not interested, men see you as too much work.
2. You Pretend You Have It All Together

Great social life, happy family, good career and the nice house — your life looks perfect on the outside. But there’s just that one thing missing … a boyfriend. You that you’re OK with it, but, deep down, you feel like you’re missing out.

If this is your situation, share with others that you would genuinely like to meet someone. Get out there and meet men!
3. You Seem A Little Uptight

You come across as the girl who’s too serious, can’t have a laugh and needs to chill out. You’ve often been told by others that you’re hard to get to know, or they describe you as a closed book. But really you’re the type who just takes longer to get to know.
Try to share something about yourself, loosen up and let your lighter side show. He wants to get to know you. He wants to know what you’re all about, and he wants to see you’re unique side. Let him.

4. You Always Say You’re Too Busy

Fabulous career, lots of hobbies, always on the move — you’re a busy girl. But here’s the problem: “Busy” to the guy who wants to get to know you means, “You’re not important in my life. I don’t have time for you. I’m not interested. You’re in my way.”
Always being busy doesn’t make someone attracted to you, it makes them feel unwanted. When you don’t give someone your time, they assume you’re not interested.

5. You’re Very Attractive, But Don’t Act Available 

It’s a common complaint by women who are attractive that men don’t approach them. If this is your problem, turn and smile towards a man you find attractive and go talk to him.
Don’t let your greatest assets be your obstacle towards finding love. Show him your vulnerable side and allow him to see the personality underneath the picture — sharing your fears and weak points can put a man at ease with you.
6. You Try To Be One Of The Boys

Men find what is opposite to them attractive, so trying to match guys drink for drink, talking like a man and acting like a man will put you in the dreaded ‘friend zone’ every time. Don’t be afraid to show your most powerful resource — your feminine side. Wouldn’t you rather have him weak at knees for you instead of challenging you to a drinking contest?
If you want to get asked out by men, be open, friendly and make time for him. Beware of the signals you’re sending.
If you do this, men will find you interesting, attractive and lovable, and getting chatted up will become easy for you. 
I’m totally a victim. Please comment for help 😊

Social Media Updates That Are Making Men Not Want To Talk To You. 

Cries for help
“27 years ago today I was born to a father I never knew, but it’s okay, I’m sure wherever he is, he loves me…” “Lonely.” “Thinking of crawling into a hole for the rest of my life…” Here’s the thing, if you were actually thinking of crawling into a hole, you’d just do it. Publicizing it for hundreds of people to see just screams, “Pay attention to me!!!” Oh and if you’re really “lonely” pick up your phone and call a real friend. Don’t put it out there for hundreds of people you’ve probably never met to message you. That’s not real company, now is it?

Direct attacks
“Screw you. You never treated me well. I hope you’re happy with your new stick figure, home-wrecking woman. Goodbye forever.” If you actually wanted to air out your issues with the person this message is directed to, you’d call that person, or private message them at least. The subtext of this kind of public post just says, “Oh and if there are any men out there who want to save me, I’m available now. Obviously.”

“I’m so ugly” photos

Question: do you actually believe that when you take a picture of yourself (in which, usually, your cleavage is front and center and your hair and makeup are done perfectly) and caption it with the words, “I’m so ugly” that someone will actually say, “Yeah. You are”? The fact you’re posting this is truly a contradiction because if you actually were insecure about your looks, you would not put them out there to be ridiculed. You know everyone is going to comment, “Not at all! You’re so beautiful!” Oh, and the men who see this pathetic post also know that you know that. And they read, “Desperate for attention!”

20 dog photos

Most men can appreciate a dog-loving woman. But not a dog-obsessed woman. If you constantly post pictures of your dog in a stroller, in new outfits, sleeping next to you, and wearing sunglasses, not only does this say to the guy, “Well, she’s clearly in a full time, committed relationship with her dog” but it also screams, “MY BIOLOGICAL CLOCK IS TICKING!”

Alcohol shots
A man can appreciate a woman who can get down. But, he wants you to be discreet about it. It shouldn’t be the thing you are most proud of. Two hundred pictures of you and your friends doing shots, and five pictures of you with your family or at a work event doesn’t exactly say you have your priorities in check. Also, you’re not 21 anymore. We get it. You drink. So does the rest of the world. Get over it.

Dear Diary…

“Today I got my hair cut and then I went for a run and then the grocery store was having a special on pizza so that was cool. It was a good day.” Want to know what your friends and readers are thinking? They’re thinking, “D*mnit! She tricked me again into reading a post that actually offers nothing to me—no useful information, no entertainment, no thought-provoking words.”

“I hate men” posts

If you’re posting about how much you can’t stand men, it’s pretty obvious that you actually just really want to find a man. But it’s also obvious that dating you would be a nightmare, because you have a ton of hang-up’s, insecurities and anger issues.

Song lyrics

Posting song lyrics is, sorry to say it, for people who aren’t emotionally intelligent enough to come up with their own way to say something. And let’s be real: not even the most “deep” of song lyrics are really that deep. They’re mostly generic. And now you look generic too.

Impassioned rants
Three paragraph rants on gender inequality or how to treat a girlfriend or politics belong in a blog, where people subscribed to see that stuff. Doing this on Facebook, where posts are meant to be short and sweet, just makes you seem like someone who talks too much, and often doesn’t realize that no one is listening.


What are you, a teenage girl? It’s okay to sometimes use one of these abbreviations but if you write full sentences, peppering them with “IDK” and “ROFL” throughout, it begs the question: can this person just not spell?

Sunsets, flowers, and puppies, oh my!

We don’t live underground. We saw the sunset for ourselves. And yes, flowers are pretty. But looking at a picture of them doesn’t help us re-connect with nature or calm our minds or teach us something about life. But if you’re constantly posting such pictures, men worry that you’re a bit of a sap who can’t just enjoy lunch without needing to ruminate on the meaning of life.

In a Domestic Relationship with Christy

This is a large and annoying trend amongst women: having a relationship status that reads you’re married to or in a domestic partnership with one of your best friends. What does this say to men? That you are majorly insecure, that your friend would probably always tag along as a third wheel, and that you’ve been rejected by men so many times that now you’re “rejecting” them in some way by being “married to” a woman, on Facebook.

Name changes

Stop putting “Rose” or “Sunshine” in the middle of your name. Or suddenly deciding to use your middle name as your first name. Or just putting the first initial of your last name with a period. If you feel so strongly that these little changes say something about who you are, then that says to men you don’t know yourself at all. 

My video coming up on “why you need to be independent”. 

14 Different Types Of Relationships You’ll Experience Eventually.

Before you find “the one,” you’ll date a bunch of other ones. Only the truly lucky find a great relationship—built on compatibility, mutual respect, and sexual attraction—early on. Most of us have to have all the other types of relationships, to understand what a functional relationship should look like. Here are 14 types of relationships you will almost certainly have before you find long-term happiness.


In this relationship, you or your partner (or both of you) cannot function without the other person. You feel anxiety and depression when you’re not around one another. Other areas of your life suffer. You’ll often do out of the ordinary things to keep this person’s love—like cancel a trip you planned years ago with friends, to stay with this person, or give up a great job to have more time with your partner.


You’re a “power couple.” Or at least, you think you are. What you really are is this: two people who do not know how or are not willing to compromise and sacrifice for the relationship. You always put yourself ahead of your partner, and visa versa. You’re both highly focused on your careers, or your own separate social lives. You essentially just meet up when it’s convenient for both of you. But love is not a priority.


At one point, unfortunately, you’ll date someone who controls you. He will set all the rules for the relationship, and you will follow them. Something about this person makes you spineless. You don’t even see how ridiculous his rules are, such as a rule that you not go out with friends without him, or that you stop talking to your male friends, or that all holidays are spent with his family instead of yours. You’ll be under a spell that will be clear to your friends, but for some reason not to you. And you’ll feel great anxiety around ever speaking your mind or demanding something from this person.


You, and possibly the other person involved in this relationship, have just gone through breakups and need love to cover up the pain. This relationship almost never works out because it is built on the fear of facing the reality of your recent breakup, rather than focusing on this new person and whether or not they are compatible for you. So it is fragile.


We all get a little new age at some point and give this relationship a try. In this relationship, the two individuals are emotionally committed to one another, but are both free to sleep with other people. This type of relationship mostly only works when both parties aren’t that emotionally invested in one another. And for this reason, it usually ends anyways.

Working hard

You really want love, you meet someone who really wants love, and so you’re willing to make a lot of changes for it. You change the way you talk, dress, think and socialize for him. He does the same for you. You actually have zero interest in one another’s passions and hobbies, but you attend all related event and feign interest. You look happy to the outside world, but it’s actually the most exhausting relationship you’ve ever been in.


Okay, the previous relationship is the second most exhausting relationship you’ll ever be in. This is the one that will leave you feeling emotionally, mentally and physically immobile. The toxic relationship is one in which you and your partner have an extreme attraction to one another, but have such drastically different morals, opinions, or integrity that all you do is fight. You bring out the worst in each other. But you can’t stay away from each other. You’re always on edge in this relationship. It’s like being on a drug: the highs are very high, but the lows leave you incapacitated.


It’s fun for now, but you wouldn’t make plans for the future. You couldn’t claim anything is wrong with the guy. You enjoy having sex with him and spending time with him. But that real umph isn’t there—that can’t live without him sensation. But it’s easy, and it’s a good distraction for a while.

Basically friends

Everything is great except one thing: you and him do not feel like having sex with one another. It feels like kissing your cousin. You can have a fun day, connect on many levels, but when it comes to the bedroom, your blood runs cold.

Purely sexual

You’ll also have the opposite to the basically friends relationship: the purely sexual one. When you call or text one another, it’s almost always to spend time immediately. You’re mostly in the bedroom together. You have great sexual chemistry, and for some reason never feel compelled to explore your chemistry in other areas.

Prize possession

At one point you will date a rich or insanely handsome man, because you’re just intrigued by what life is like with that guy on your arm. You’ve seen gold diggers who seem happy with filthy rich gentlemen, or your giddy friend who is always with a model. So you give it a go. If you’re an emotionally sound person, you typically can’t carry this one on for long. You crave a real connection.

Good on paper

You’ll date one guy because you should. Everybody—your friends, your family, complete strangers—think this guy is perfect. He’s handsome, he has a great job, he has a good sense of humor, he is kind, he is totally marriage and father material and he treats you like a queen. But again, the umph factor is missing. He doesn’t excite you. You can have great conversations, but a certain inexplicable connection just isn’t happening.

Long distance

During one of your romantic phases, you’ll try out a long distance relationship. You’ll tell yourself yours will be the one to work out. And you’ll love going to visit him—it will feel like a vacation every time. But eventually, you’ll realize you don’t want to move to him, he doesn’t want to move to you, flights are getting expensive and you’re tired of missing out on what’s going on with your friends back at home.

Emotional affair

You probably will not realize it the first time you get into one of these, so we’ll give you a freebee. But at one point, you will develop an intimate, emotional connection with a man who is already in a committed relationship, or when you yourself are in a committed relationship. Nothing physical ever happens, but you share secrets with this person, you get anxious when you’re going to see him, and if you think about it, your or his partner wouldn’t really approve of it.

I’m certain, i’m in a Toxic relationship 😂. Comments please 

10 Ways To Survive Your Breakup

You’re going to feel angry, but don’t get all dark and broody.

Breakups—no matter who’s initiating them—can cause a lot of emotional strife and pain. So, yes, you are allowed to sit on the sofa for few days and feel sad. But after a few days, it’s time to start moving forward and get back to your life. Here are some strategies to help you move through the healing process without it totally sucking: 

1. Realize that healing is a process. 

You should start to feel a little bit better with every passing day.

2. You’re going to feel angry, but don’t become all dark and broody.

You’re better than that! You might want to type out a rant on Facebook or start a snapchat about things that will purposefully hurt your ex, but this is really one time you should rise above that and act gracefully. Once the anger passes, you won’t be left with regrets.

3. Remember that your friends mean well, but this is not their journey.

They really do come from a place of good intention when they start to rip your ex to shreds and say, “I knew he wasn’t for you.” They just don’t understand that it’s not helping. Don’t get annoyed with them, because it won’t help. Just ignore them.

4. Leave the past where it belongs—in the past.

Don’t listen to “your song” on an instant loop. It’s not going to help — trust me, i have tried it — and it only brings you down to a really sad place. Pick a new song. Make it a personal anthem just for you. 

5. Stop thinking you “should,” “would,” or “could” have done anything different.

You can’t go back in time and change things you said it did, so don’t torture yourself by thinking through details of conversations and analyzing potential outcomes if you had said something different or behaved in a different way. You can only change this from this day forward—focus on that.

6. Consider your past relationship a gift.

Every relationship we engage in teaches us something about ourselves and makes us better for our next one. Think about what you learned, how you have been changed, and feel gratitude for the experience. It moved you closer to the love you truly deserve. This is much more productive than planing a bonfire!

7. Get up and get moving.

Walk, work out, dance, party…do whatever kind of movement feels good to you. By moving your body, it will help release some of the emotion that could otherwise become toxic in your body. Free the toxicity!

8. Avoid jumping into a rebound relationship.

He’s cute and he’s flirting with me? NO! Rebound relationships never end well. While you grieve a loss, you aren’t in a position to meet someone new—you’re likely feeling the need to replace what’s missing. Filing a void is not a good relationship strategy in any situation. Take the time you need before you start another relationship.

9. Focus on loving yourself more.

Give yourself what you need to feel loved and happy. Hang with your friends,dance it out, watch a comedy, if you practice a religion, go to a service, create a vision board for your future…or whatever else makes you feel good.

10. Trust enough to let go.

This is seriously the hardest thing to do—but it’s also the best. It may sound trite but, if you love someone, set them free. If they come back they are yours. It is true and often breakups are only temporary. But it only works if you let it go.

Signs your BFF is sleeping with your boyfriend 

Suspect your BFF of doing literally the worst thing a BFF could do, ever? I gathered some surefire signs that your BFF is sleeping with your boyfriend, and i seriously hope none of them ring true to you. Take a look! 

1. They have a lot of inside jokes than you have with either of them. 

2. They randomly pull disappearing acts and at the same time.

3. They show up to places with each other.

4. … And you didn’t even know they were together.

5. She always takes his side when you have arguments.

6. Your boyfriend constantly compares you to your BFF.

7. Your BFF always makes extra effort to get dressed up when he’s around.

8. Your BFF is your boyfriend’s biggest social media fan.

9. She likes and comments on everything he posts.

10. Your BFF suddenly stopped chatting with you about her love life.

11. And it used to be the only thing she talked about.

12. Now she has a secret man, and she’s not ready to tell you about him yet, because she doesn’t want to “jinx” it.

13. Your BFF relies on your boyfriend to do boyfriend duties, like changing the lightbulb in the ceiling light, helping to move, fix her car, or getting a ride.

14. Your boyfriend always knows what you’re up to and how your day was, because your BFF was texting him all day.

15. Your BFF touches your boyfriend the same way you do. 

For questions, please comment below.

Why isn’t he asking you out yet?

 17 reasons why a guy may hold himself back from asking you out. 

Every scenario is different. But surprisingly, almost always, if a guy behaves like he likes you and hits on you, but stops himself from asking you out, the reasons are just a few. 

#1 He’s intimidated by you 

#2 He’s taken

#3 You’re too hot

#4 You mean too much to him

#5 You’re taken 

#6 He’s a shy baby

#7 He finds you too easy

#8 The happy flirter 

#9 He’s dating you in his mind

#10 He wants a fling with you.

#11 You ask him out!

#12 He’s playing hard to get

#13 He’s waiting for the right moment 

#14 You’re a flirt 

#15 The wrong relationship 

#16 Commitment issues

#17 He needs time.

For questions, please comment below