Cries for help
“27 years ago today I was born to a father I never knew, but it’s okay, I’m sure wherever he is, he loves me…” “Lonely.” “Thinking of crawling into a hole for the rest of my life…” Here’s the thing, if you were actually thinking of crawling into a hole, you’d just do it. Publicizing it for hundreds of people to see just screams, “Pay attention to me!!!” Oh and if you’re really “lonely” pick up your phone and call a real friend. Don’t put it out there for hundreds of people you’ve probably never met to message you. That’s not real company, now is it?
“Screw you. You never treated me well. I hope you’re happy with your new stick figure, home-wrecking woman. Goodbye forever.” If you actually wanted to air out your issues with the person this message is directed to, you’d call that person, or private message them at least. The subtext of this kind of public post just says, “Oh and if there are any men out there who want to save me, I’m available now. Obviously.”
“I’m so ugly” photos
Question: do you actually believe that when you take a picture of yourself (in which, usually, your cleavage is front and center and your hair and makeup are done perfectly) and caption it with the words, “I’m so ugly” that someone will actually say, “Yeah. You are”? The fact you’re posting this is truly a contradiction because if you actually were insecure about your looks, you would not put them out there to be ridiculed. You know everyone is going to comment, “Not at all! You’re so beautiful!” Oh, and the men who see this pathetic post also know that you know that. And they read, “Desperate for attention!”
20 dog photos
Most men can appreciate a dog-loving woman. But not a dog-obsessed woman. If you constantly post pictures of your dog in a stroller, in new outfits, sleeping next to you, and wearing sunglasses, not only does this say to the guy, “Well, she’s clearly in a full time, committed relationship with her dog” but it also screams, “MY BIOLOGICAL CLOCK IS TICKING!”
A man can appreciate a woman who can get down. But, he wants you to be discreet about it. It shouldn’t be the thing you are most proud of. Two hundred pictures of you and your friends doing shots, and five pictures of you with your family or at a work event doesn’t exactly say you have your priorities in check. Also, you’re not 21 anymore. We get it. You drink. So does the rest of the world. Get over it.
“Today I got my hair cut and then I went for a run and then the grocery store was having a special on pizza so that was cool. It was a good day.” Want to know what your friends and readers are thinking? They’re thinking, “D*mnit! She tricked me again into reading a post that actually offers nothing to me—no useful information, no entertainment, no thought-provoking words.”
“I hate men” posts
If you’re posting about how much you can’t stand men, it’s pretty obvious that you actually just really want to find a man. But it’s also obvious that dating you would be a nightmare, because you have a ton of hang-up’s, insecurities and anger issues.
Posting song lyrics is, sorry to say it, for people who aren’t emotionally intelligent enough to come up with their own way to say something. And let’s be real: not even the most “deep” of song lyrics are really that deep. They’re mostly generic. And now you look generic too.
Three paragraph rants on gender inequality or how to treat a girlfriend or politics belong in a blog, where people subscribed to see that stuff. Doing this on Facebook, where posts are meant to be short and sweet, just makes you seem like someone who talks too much, and often doesn’t realize that no one is listening.
LOL, ROFL, OMG
What are you, a teenage girl? It’s okay to sometimes use one of these abbreviations but if you write full sentences, peppering them with “IDK” and “ROFL” throughout, it begs the question: can this person just not spell?
Sunsets, flowers, and puppies, oh my!
We don’t live underground. We saw the sunset for ourselves. And yes, flowers are pretty. But looking at a picture of them doesn’t help us re-connect with nature or calm our minds or teach us something about life. But if you’re constantly posting such pictures, men worry that you’re a bit of a sap who can’t just enjoy lunch without needing to ruminate on the meaning of life.
In a Domestic Relationship with Christy
This is a large and annoying trend amongst women: having a relationship status that reads you’re married to or in a domestic partnership with one of your best friends. What does this say to men? That you are majorly insecure, that your friend would probably always tag along as a third wheel, and that you’ve been rejected by men so many times that now you’re “rejecting” them in some way by being “married to” a woman, on Facebook.
Stop putting “Rose” or “Sunshine” in the middle of your name. Or suddenly deciding to use your middle name as your first name. Or just putting the first initial of your last name with a period. If you feel so strongly that these little changes say something about who you are, then that says to men you don’t know yourself at all.
My video coming up on “why you need to be independent”.